Is EMDR Right For Me?
From being mentioned on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives to its growing popularity on social media, more clients are coming to therapy curious about whether EMDR might be a good fit for them.
But despite hearing about EMDR, many people still have the same questions: What exactly is EMDR? What can it help with? And how do I know if I’m ready for it?
Some of my clients have also expressed fear about the process: What if EMDR is too overwhelming? What if I can’t handle it?
Clients describing their interest in EMDR tend to mention similar themes. Many have tried talk therapy before and feel “talked out”; they understand their patterns intellectually, but can’t get out of them. Others have experienced trauma or difficult events in the past and want an evidence-based way to work through them. And some clients simply feel “stuck”.
Whatever brought you here, understanding what EMDR actually is, and what the process looks like, can help you decide whether it might have a place in your therapy journey.
What can EMDR help with?
EMDR is probably best known as a treatment for trauma and PTSD. However, EMDR can be used to treat a range of clinical concerns, including depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, and insomnia (Shapiro, 2018).
Through my work with clients, I have found EMDR to be especially helpful in addressing the deeply held negative beliefs that can underlie emotional distress and mental health concerns. These may include beliefs such as “I’m not safe,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m powerless,” or “There’s something wrong with me.”
These beliefs rarely develop out of nowhere. Experiences throughout our lives can become connected in ways that seem to confirm our worst thoughts about ourselves. For example, an early experience of rejection might leave someone with the belief “There must be something wrong with me.” Later experiences of rejection, criticism, or disconnection can then become linked to that same belief, strengthening it over time, despite the belief being untrue.
EMDR can help interrupt this process by returning to the memories forming these beliefs and allowing them to be reprocessed. The goal is not to erase what happened or convince ourselves that it did not matter. Instead, we can retain information that is useful and appropriate, such as “I should have been treated better,” while releasing conclusions that no longer serve us, such as “There must be something wrong with me.”
This is a process many clients have tried in previous therapy or on their own; they may logically understand a new, more positive, belief, but still struggle to feel that it is true. EMDR takes a different approach, using bilateral stimulation to engage the brain’s natural ability to reprocess information and get out of that frustrating, “stuck” place.
What exactly is EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and its development began in 1987 with psychologist Francine Shapiro. While out on a walk, Shapiro noticed that moving her eyes back and forth seemed to reduce her distress at troubling thoughts. This observation led to decades of research and the eventual development of EMDR therapy (Shapiro, 2018).
Time for a little science lesson:
At the heart of EMDR is what Shapiro called the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model. The model proposes that we naturally make sense of events by connecting them to previous knowledge, adding useful new information, then storing the experience in memory (Shapiro, 2018).
Sometimes, however, an event is too distressing or overwhelming to be processed in this way. Shapiro proposed that, when this happens, aspects of the event, including associated emotions, thoughts, images, and physical sensations, can remain stored in our brains in an “unprocessed” form. When something in the present reminds us of that event, the thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions associated with it can return, even when we know the situation is different (Shapiro, 2012).
For example, someone who was harshly criticized by a parent might feel a rush of shame when a supervisor at work offers ordinary feedback years later. They know their supervisor isn’t that parent, but the feeling can still be familiar and intense.
This is where EMDR comes in. Using bilateral stimulation, which may involve back-and-forth eye movements, alternating shoulder taps, or other forms of stimulation, EMDR aims to activate the brain’s existing information-processing system and help distressing memories connect with more adaptive information. The goal isn’t to erase what happened or convince yourself that it wasn’t painful. Rather, a successfully reprocessed memory can still be remembered without carrying the same emotional, physical, and negative beliefs that were attached to it at the time. As Shapiro puts it, “You can remember that you were upset then, but you don’t feel it now” (Shapiro 2012, p. 60).
What happens when I start reprocessing?
During reprocessing, your therapist will ask you to briefly bring a memory to mind, along with the negative belief, emotions, and physical sensations connected to it. The memory might be from a single distressing event or connected to an ongoing concern, such as social anxiety. You’ll then follow back-and-forth eye movements, taps, or another form of bilateral stimulation while noticing what comes up.
Think of reprocessing as sitting on a train and watching the scenery pass by out the window. You don’t control where the train is going, and that’s okay, it will eventually take you to your destination. Your brain moves in a similar way during EMDR. You might be shown different images, thoughts, or feelings. Allow these to pass by without trying to stop or control them. You don’t need to force a particular thought to occur or try to “figure out” what it all means. Your brain is moving down the track that will allow for adaptive reprocessing to take place.
You may notice fatigue, vivid dreams, strong emotions, or related memories between sessions. You can share what comes up with your therapist and plan ways to care for yourself after reprocessing sessions.
Who is EMDR right for?
There isn’t one particular kind of person who is an “EMDR client.” You and your therapist will explore your history, current concerns, patterns, and goals to decide whether EMDR makes sense for you.
EMDR has eight phases, with history-taking and preparation happening across several sessions before active reprocessing begins. That means you won’t jump straight into your most difficult memories or negative beliefs about yourself. You’ll have time to get to know the process, ask questions, and talk with your therapist about whether you feel ready. Together, you’ll decide which memories or experiences to work on and when to begin.
What if I shut down, overthink, or become overwhelmed?
These reactions don’t automatically mean you can’t do EMDR. Some people space out, feel numb or anxious, overthink, or become overwhelmed when approaching difficult memories. Your therapist can help you notice these responses and adjust the pace when needed.
The preparation phase before active reprocessing helps you get ready for the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that may come up during EMDR. You might practice calming exercises, identify outside sources of support, or learn to notice difficult feelings without becoming overwhelmed. Learning how to ground yourself is key to unlocking the benefits of EMDR. Staying grounded doesn’t mean staying calm the whole time or avoiding emotion; it means having ways to stay present enough to work with what comes up. A therapist trained in EMDR can help you recognize when things feel too intense, pause when needed, and adjust the pace with you.
How do I prepare for EMDR?
You don’t have to prepare yourself for EMDR before you arrive. Your therapist will work with you to make sure you are adequately prepared before beginning reprocessing. If you are interested in learning more about EMDR or the therapy process, I recommend checking out the following books:
Getting Past Your Past by Francine Shapiro, PhD: Written by the developer of EMDR, this book offers an accessible introduction to how past experiences can shape our present-day emotions, beliefs, and behaviors, and explains the ideas behind EMDR in everyday language.
Tapping In by Laurel Parnell, PhD: A practical introduction to resourcing, with exercises for using bilateral stimulation to strengthen feelings of calm, safety, support, and resilience, many of the same kinds of resources that may be practiced during the EMDR preparation phase with your therapist.
So, is EMDR right for me?
The good news is, you don’t have to know yet. You are the expert on your own experience and may know that something feels stuck or needs to change. That’s where a trained EMDR therapist comes in.
Maybe something from your past still feels present. Maybe you’ve done a lot of talking and understanding but continue to experience the same emotional patterns. Or maybe you’re simply curious about trying something different. That curiosity is enough to start the conversation.
You can express your interest, and your EMDR-trained therapist will help you determine whether EMDR fits your needs, build the resources to prepare, and decide with you when, or whether, to begin reprocessing.
Interested in exploring EMDR?
I’m an EMDRIA-approved EMDR-trained therapist offering individual therapy in New York. If you’re curious about EMDR and want to explore whether it could be a good fit for you, reach out today to schedule a free consultation.
References
Shapiro, F. (2012). Getting past your past: Take control of your life with self-help techniques from EMDR therapy. Rodale.
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (3rd ed.). The Guilford Press.
